i know you know i'm weird. for some reason that hasn't deterred you and, if anything, seems to be one of the things you really dig about me. so it shouldn't be that much of a surprise to learn that we don't really celebrate christmas not just because we aren't christian, but because we're pagan.

instead of christmas we celebrate the winter solstice, and long story short we celebrate the renewal of the sun after the shortest day of the year. it's not exactly the start of the new year (that's halloween, and another reason why we're such halloween freaks) but it's about the return of the light after the darkest time, and i feel like that's hella appropriate, because that's what talking to you has felt like for me lately.

it's dumb, and lame, and absolutely cliche, but night time with you is my favorite time of the day. i don't know what changed, but it's like a week ago my eyes were just opened for the first time and i felt this weird pull towards you. magnetic. annoyingly irresistable. so now i look forward to nothing but darkness and starry skies and your thoughts for hours on end, just you and me and edgar rolling around on my pillow trying to see what's making me laugh so hard. and it's always you, of course.

other than music, tour, and edgar, i can't remember the last time i looked forward to something as much as i look forward to nights with you... and even though we aren't together, i start to picture us that way. no ocean between us, no nervous "what if"s. just you and me, having our ridiculous conversations that've reignited something in me i forgot was there.

my own personal winter soltice.

it's not bad poetry, or the best christmas gift in the world, but you make me happy. thought you oughta know.